The time where men and women callously lay with unaligned sexual partners is over. Casual sex is a disrespect to our bodies and the life force energy our bodies create and cultivate. Sex with an unaligned partner depletes us instead of rejuvenates us.
Love is the ultimate and only prize. Take away fame, money, success, and power and what does the collective human experience really crave: Love. Love is undefinable, wild, unconditional, intimate, infinite, and transformative. And somehow, love has been conflated with sex. We live in a modern world where men and women have confused love with sex. We have become so disillusioned about the true power of sex and intimacy in our quest for the divine experience of true love.
We search for love, yet settle for casual sex.
I first want to try to define casual sex in the modern dating era from a heterosexual perspective, and not with the intention to exclude other preferences. In the pervasive world where dating apps are the most convenient way to meet a potential partner, we size up our options with quick scans of their polished photos. We make shallow judgments of whether or not they would look good naked, when really the most important qualifier for a partner should be whether our naked souls would feel free in their presence.
Casual sex is the ego’s way of allowing for temporary gratification, it lets us get a taste of “intimacy” during sex but the illusion is shattered after the thrill when we cover ourselves up again. We are too afraid to say we want love and so instead settle for casual sex.
Sexual compatibility is important, yes. I am not anti-sex. On a personal level and through much introspection and conversations I have had with close friends, I have made the conscious choice to reject casual sex. I have chosen higher vibrations and higher expectations in intimate encounters.
To use a house analogy in dating, imagine your house is up for sale and you have placed it on the market for potential viewers and buyers. This is your beloved home and you have spent time and resources in choosing the perfect furniture and decorations. Your family’s heirlooms are displayed here and you have precious valuables you have collected from all of the beautiful places you have traveled. You have put so much love into making it a place of comfort and safety, a true representation of you. On the open house day, there are loads of people waiting at your front door. You love your home and want to make sure it is handed over to the right buyer—someone who will take care of it the same way you have.
You know you must vet the buyers before you hand over your keys. You make sure they have the currency to afford your home. You make sure they will not tear down and renovate parts of your home that you have taken great pains to build. You do your due diligence because you know the true value of your home. You don’t accept the first offer because you know your bargaining power. And if there are many offers, you choose the one that provides the most long-term value for you. If you sell your home for less than its value, chances are you will probably regret it later. You have set up various filters to ensure that the right buyer ultimately gets the keys to your home.
Your body is your home. Your body is what houses your existence in this lifetime. Why do you disrespect it and allow those who are unworthy to enter?
Accepting casual sex with unaligned partners is like allowing misaligned energies access to your home to tinker with your priceless belongings—who knows what these strangers will break or steal. Casual sex is numbing to the soul, and I hope we instead look for the sparks of true connection that makes us feel fully alive. Through my varied personal experiences and deep reflections, I have had to repeatedly ask myself what I truly desired in intimate connections: that fleeting feeling of validation or something more concrete and lasting? What did my soul want?
My soul wanted true love and so I first needed to find that love within myself. I needed to cultivate the power of love and find the inner strength and confidence to reject casual partners in the knowing that when I expect higher, I will receive higher. And if the search for true love is a solo journey because my “expectations are too high”, then solitude is where I will find my bliss and growth. I also explicitly reject all of society’s demands on women to be perfect or a version of “beautiful” in order to attract a partner and serve the patriarchy. This is not a call for burning bras or staunch feminism, but instead a plea for all to uncover where our real beauty is—to turn inward and understand that the primary focus on skin and flesh and misaligned orgasms are fleeting and destructive.
What good is a perfect body if you have not nurtured your soul?
And to the women who say they love casual sex: I hear you and I see you, truly. But do you see yourself? Can you look in the mirror past the pain and trauma and answer truthfully that casual sex is enough for your soul? Does your quest for power and dominance over a man come from a place of self-love or unworthiness? I urge you to maintain your integrity and prevent the pain and rejection you will inevitably feel when you allow an unaligned partner to enter your intimate spaces. I’ve been there. It feels dirty, shameful, unsatisfactory to know that someone has been inside you and left you feeling empty.
I would like to instead posit that sex is not inherently dirty or shameful. It is the most beautiful powerful act that two humans can engage in. It is divine synergy and has the power to create life. Shame and guilt come from the internal knowing that we have self-betrayed and surrendered our powers to a sexual partner who does not deserve it. We have relinquished a precious part of ourselves (often with no equal exchange in orgasm) for a fleeting moment of faux-intimacy.
I am not a man so I cannot speak from a man’s experience. However, I suspect that the bliss of a climax is rather short-lived and that if the magic of it lingered, he would come to you for more than casual sex encounters. And the truth is, most men may not be ready for more than casual sex. True intimacy is terrifying because it requires us to lay bare our inner fears and desires. It is the undressing of the soul in front of your lover who has the power to receive or reject. But we must not diminish the truth that there is power in our naked vulnerability.
Casual sex also perpetuates the violent objectification of the female body as a temporal thing to be used and discarded. The female body has been historically objectified and desecrated. Female bodies are beautiful, perfect as they are, they are stronger than what meets the eye and create and produce life. Women should feel empowered in their sexuality, but not to be used as fodder for men’s shame and lack of self-worth in the form of pornography and control. There is a fine balance between loving your body and feeling confident and safe in your skin to show your curves because you understand your inherent powers of sexuality, and between using your sexuality as a crutch to mask your innate insecurities and desire to be wanted and validated. This over-sexualization that is perpetuated by women to seduce and entice, snare and trap a man by sexualizing her body is heartbreaking and twists the truth of the female body as an art form.
Lust is self-betrayal.
On a spiritual level, this is where the divine feminine differs from the unawakened woman. The divine feminine understands that her body is a temple to be worshipped firstly by her, and from that, all others understand that they cannot enter nor experience her until they too have integrated their own sexuality which creates a true equilibrium between partners—until they too have reached alignment in self-love. To allow someone of lower frequencies into your sexual orbit is a disrespect to Self in order to gain the transient orgasm and satisfaction—something so fleeting and debasing.
This is true for both men and women. But especially so for women who have misconstrued the value of sex and intimacy. Women must understand that they first must elevate themselves in order to attract someone of equal caliber. If they remain stagnant in their own personal evolution and levels of consciousness and self-love and continue to entertain the same type of unawakened man who uses women just for their bodies and sexual gratification, they will continue to attract only men who use them for just their bodies. When we tacitly agree to casual sex, we will continue to attract only those who can offer only casual sex.
If you are looking for love, then lead with love.
Unaligned and unawakened men have not acknowledged their own heart-space and will never return the love the unawakened woman seeks in her sexual partners. The façade men present of dominance in sexual promiscuity and multiple partners in fact are masks of their own deep insecurities and suppressed desires to be truly loved—their machismo in fact hides their fear of rejection of their true self.
Toxic masculinity is pervasive and the rejection of emotion and softness in men leads to outbursts of aggression and violence against women, society, and themselves.
We also cannot accept the skewed narrative that a man just wants sex—this oversimplifies and insults the sacred act of sex itself which at its climax produces life. We absolutely must hold our men to higher—if their hearts are with us, then their minds will follow. That is where women’s powers lie, not in what is between our legs, but what is in our hearts. We must love these men with such purity that they are forced to feel their own softness and embrace their heart-space. Women must show men and help them to understand that they are also more than their body and instant gratification. Teach them tenderly and rigidly to respect women so that they may respect themselves, setting their own expectations for what a true divine union of lovers should be. There are great conscious men out there, and they also deserve women who have risen to their optimum in levels of self-love and integrity. We must hold our partners accountable.
This is the purpose of the divine feminine rising—as we reclaim our erotic and sexuality, so too will the divine masculine.
This is the balance needed, both lovers must crack open their hearts in vulnerability to achieve something beyond what society has inculcated as a transactional sexual exchange used to fuel the engines of the patriarchy and capitalism. We must reject the glorification of pornography and “sex sells” and instead raise our own expectations and vibrations in our lovers. From this point onward, I declare that casual sex is dead. Will you join me?